Hipster or Insane Secret Policeman?: Thoughts on Haiti's Sad History

By now we've all heard about and been moved by the massive earthquake that slammed Haiti recently, and perhaps by this point we've all heard about and became enraged by Pat Robertson's latest inappropriate but completely expected comments in regards to said earthquake:



Despite the obvious senality, if not stupidity, of the statement, the Reverend has a point. Haiti is, as Foreign Policy stated, the unluckiest country even for one of the third world. Though it was one of the first all-black independent nations, its first ruler declared himself Emperor, its exportable goods rapidly dwindled, it became overcrowded, racked with disease and poverty, its political instability makes nations like Mexico and Myanmar appear utopian by comparison. The earthquake is clearly terrible, though payment for a debt to Satan it is not. If Rev. Robertson had not just wanted to be a dick he'd perhaps know that this hypothetical debt would have been paid in full by 1986, at the end of the dreaded 31 year Duvalier period.

Dr. Francois "Papa Doc" Duvalier earned the love of the Haitian people for his efforts in heling relieve them of ailments such as yaws and typhus, and no doubt his election in 1957 as president, however fraudulant it may have been, was welcomed in no small way. However various circumstances such as an attempted military coup in 1958 and a massive heart attack that may or may not have resulted in severe neurological damage altered his benevolence into the exact opposite. Duvalier made himself "President for Life" ruling until his death in 1971. In that time he managade to undo his substantial medical work, allowing malnutrition to go unchecked, the slums overcrowded after he took land from the rural poor and gave it to his cronies, he exerted a massive control over the nation's culture, and used its religious superstitions in a most bizarre manner.

Duvalier had an odd attachment to voodoo, best embodied by his notorious secret police force, known officially as the National Security Volunteers but known better as the Tonton Macoutes, a term based on a type of bogeyman who had the power to make children disappear, which was their basic job description, only it applied to pretty much anyone and not just those Duvalier considered a threat to his rule. They were a particularly ominous force, known for their proto-hipster mode of dress including blue denim fatigues, dark sunglasses and machetes. They were recruited primarily from the nation's poor, answered directly to the President, and not paid. The Totons earned a living by way of bribery and basically taking whatever they wanted from wherever they wanted. They proved a more imposing presence in Haiti than the military, an institution Duvalier despised. Some 30,000 people died as a result of Duvalier's tactics, some of which met miserable ends at Fort Dimanche, Haiti's Guantonamo turned to 11, run by Duvalier's "right-hand woman" Madame Max Adolphe, memorialized thusly:



The force continued to be used up until 1986 when Haiti had grown tired of Francois' idiot son Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier, who, out of the goodness of his heart, pledged to donate $8 million to the Red Cross, a fraction of what he ended up embezzling from the country. Though in the event that this, too, gets subjected to Duvalier-style misspending, feel free to donate yourselves here and perhaps we can outdo the exiled SOB's efforts. Nevertheless it is the least anyone can do, hell even I donated.

Here's to the hope that some relief comes to all those who need it. Though given what I've just written, it seems most fitting for the currently wrecked Presidential Palace to remain in that condition, as the money required to renovate it can stand to be spent on more deserving projects.